Future of the internet (humor)

(Notice: This article is intended as humor and should be taken purely for entertainment value)

A small group of programmers and internet experts have created a program that looks into different articles all around the internet to analyze words and predict the future from it. Something sort of a bible code, but it is powered by mostly tweets rather than verses and blogs rather than books. Anyway, we got to play around with this technology and we have found some very interesting things that will happen between five to ten years from now. We have listed the top five future events we discovered that will happen to the internet.

5 Spammers will find a way into Wikipedia

A year from now, a known spammer will created the ultimate spamming bot called the wakapede. It will simulate users pretending to add and edit articles on Wikipedia. The bot is so sophisticated that it will be a while before Wikipedia will find measures against it. For the mean time, the general public at large will experience a new dark age of modern literacy.

4 Twitter will decrease tweets from 140 characters to 25

Seven years from now, Twitter will find out that more and more users are willing to forgo the use of vowels and prefer invented abbreviations over conventional spelling that the situation will force the company to reduce tweets to a maximum of 25 characters simply because no tweet will ever reach near that limit anymore. When asked about this bold move, Twitter will send out an official statement concerning the decision. The full content of the response will be "Cuz it wrks".

3 Apple will release a new gadget

Five years from now Apple will release a new gadget. While the ipod and ipad will still phonetically confuse millions of non-english speaking people around the world, Apple's head honcho decided to add a new device into the mix - the ipud. It will do exactly what an iphone does but it will look exactly like a mac book the size of an ipod shuffle. Experts will still get baffled on why the device will sell so well and we will still have no clue why we like the gadget so much.

2 In a twist of events, eBay will be bought by Google

In a bold move, Microsoft will be positioning to buy eBay. Not wanting to go down quietly in a hostile takeover, eBay will do what every reasonable person would - sell to the highest bidder. Nine years from now, eBay will auction itself on eBay.com starting at a minimum bid of $0.01. Seeing the seemingly low bid price, Microsoft, Yahoo, Google and Amazon will join the bidding war. By the end of the seven day auction, with half a second to go, Google will outbid Microsoft by $100. The final end of auction price will be $410,804,055.02. The media will ask Microsoft why they had lost the bid and the company will simply admit that "they(Google) have better sniping software".

1 Seti will discover intelligent life

Ten years from now, Seti, with the help of hundreds of thousands, and possibly millions of computers across the world will discover intelligent life. Contact will be made and civilized dialogue will be undertaken. Technology will be shared by human and alien race. Humans will benefit most from the alien's anti-gravity machines. The aliens will find a fond interest on an earth technologies such as SMS, Facebook games, and YouTube. They will drop further development of technology in favor of useless entertainment. Ten years after, the aliens will become overweight, easily amused and lazy. Seti will be back to square one as there will, once again, be no known intelligent life in the universe.